Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Oh boy

I'm proud to report that my baby has a skinny neck. Yay, minimal Downs Syndrome risk!
Friday's ultrasound screening went very well. It was amazing to see our little boy on the screen, moving around. Yes, I said boy. :) The technician, although earlier said that it was too early to tell the sex, did notice a protrusion between the hips that was too large to be girl parts. :) She told us there was an 80% chance that it is a boy. I plan on posting the ultrasound photos, as soon as I get motivated enough at home to scan them in.
They said that although the initial neck measurements look good, they won't have a comprehensive picture until they also run blood tests. I got my finger punctured and blood painfully squeezed out to mark five dots on a card. Dr. Pepper will get the results in two weeks, at which point he will give me the okay to tell the world.
At this point we are telling more and more close friends and family. I am about to tell my supervisor at work, because my consultant contract ends at the end of May and I need it renewed to the end of the summer. It's also getting harder and harder to hide the baby bump.
Yesterday the first ever stranger noticed my pregnancy. She took me by surprise when she asked me when I was due. So I guess that means I am officially showing. Time to start shopping at maternity stores?

Friday, March 27, 2009

The "Big" Ultrasound

Today I get my nuchal translucent ultrasound. I'm super excited. It's been four weeks since I've seen my baby!
This is the one where they test for downs syndrome and measure the fetus to determine the exact due date. I'm aware that there could be something wrong, that perhaps I shouldn't be referring to Peanut as my baby just yet.
But I can't help feeling excitement. It's like a loved one returning home from a trip abroad. I'm waiting at the airport, and the anticipation of seeing him/her is growing as the minutes tick away.
First trimester is almost over and I feel fantastic.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A selfish lifestyle

Some days I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. The end of this week marks the end of the first trimester. All I can think of is how much longer I have to go. All the books and websites say it should get better in the second trimester. That my libido will come back, that I'll stop being nauseous, that I'll regain some energy.

When? WHEN?


Continuing the previous blog, although my father claims to be okay with the fact that I won't be getting married, he would like us to have a big, fat, fake wedding.
He wants some sort of ceremony, (he suggested a Hindu one), to please the elders and the religious fanatics in the family. He says it doesn't have to be a legal marriage, just a religious one.


Considering the fact that I'm an atheist, and my boyfriend is not Indian, going through the motions all the while rolling my eyes is just not going to happen. I told my father that he could just give me the money he would have spent on this charade.

I won't get married just to please other people. If it happens, it will be on our terms.

I don't understand how people can go through their whole lives just trying to please others. I'm just too selfish to live this way. This may be a negative trait, but I can't imagine the kind of person I'd be if I didn't carve out my own path.

A coworker friend mentioned that perhaps I should have never left the firm. Then I'd have health insurance and paid maternity leave and a job to come back to. Yes, this is true. I perhaps might have still met my boyfriend, as the circumstances surrounding our meeting were not extraordinary. I'd have job security.

But I would have never stepped out of my comfort zone. I would have never wondered a strange and foreign country. I would have never experienced the kind of freedom that comes from living life on your own terms.

I am ready for the life ahead. I am ready for motherhood, ready for a steady relationship with the father of my child(ren). And I can look ahead without any regrets, without any desire to do things differently.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Brooklyn, we go hard

I moved this weekend. After much debate and deliberation, my boyfriend and I rented a large one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I didn't contribute much to the actual move, just a little packing. And I moved some throw pillows. ;-) Right now most of the apartment is still in boxes. Working a full day takes a lot out of me, not to mention the longer commute. I get home, eat, and crash. My boyfriend's been doing most of everything, but that's the trade-off for him getting me to move to Brooklyn. I'm hoping to get it all done this weekend.

A few weeks ago I told my parents about the pregnancy. My parents live in the same house, and are legally married, but do not speak to each other and sleep in separate bedrooms. Much of this is due to my mother's inability to move past the past. I thought it would be only fair for me to tell them together.

Ha. I underestimated my mother yet again. She got offended that I didn't tell her first, and alone. She, of course, made it all about her. Just as I predicted, she didn't even ask me how far along I was, or who the father was, or anything even remotely related to the baby, until the next day. She instead spent the next few hours talking about herself and about how she's going to be viewed by her family, and about how much of a non-relationship we have. I listened to her until she got tired of talking.

I expected all this to go exactly the way it went. But that doesn't mean it didn't affect me. She called the next day, calmer at first, but that quickly changed into the same song and dance. This time I was less patient and lost my temper. That was the last time we spoke.

I will eventually speak to her again, but it won't be for a few more weeks. I'm waiting until my second trimester. These next couple of weeks are critical, and I don't want to be stressed out by my mother.

My father took the news like I knew he would. He's happy at the prospect of being a granddad. I told him that we weren't planning on getting married anytime soon, and he seemed fine with that.

Seemed being the operative word.

...to be continued.

Friday, March 13, 2009


I need to write more. I need to start reading again. Life is just too hectic to do either. I feel so boxed in, with no outlet for all that's going on, both physically and mentally. So many changes. It's hard to find a moment to breathe.

Things I need to write about:
Telling the parents
My belly
Domestic partnership

Soon, soon, I hope.

Ten weeks and counting...