I need to move out of this goddamn neighborhood.
I need to be closer to my friends and the people who matter to me. Because having only one person at your side day in and day out breeds resentment. I can feel it brewing underneath the surface. It comes out subtly, in conversation and actions. No one should have to be my everything.
The incident, it wasn't anything much. At the very least didn't warrant my strong reaction. But I can feel what's going on under the surface.
He did something without telling me. Because I was asleep. When I asked why he didn't wake me up, he said it was because he thought I'd stop him.
And the honest truth is, I don't know if I would have or not. I don't know if I've gone so far away from my self, the person I want to be and thought I was, that I now openly prevent others from doing the things they want to do. Have I really become that controlling?
More importantly, he sees me as that controlling. And therein lies the underlying issue.
So, moving. Because I need it to be easier to see my friends and family. I need perspective.
Also, finding a job. Becoming more financially independent. God, I need my independence back.
maybe if you spoke to me instead of me having to read about your feelings.
ReplyDeletehow many days are you planning to live silently with me?
Sometimes it is so helpful to write these things out. It gives you time to think so if/when it comes down to talking, you will have a level head and not say something you don't mean.
ReplyDeleteI've learned that a relationship isn't 50/50 it is 100/100 because if it were 50/50 then each of you is only giving half of what you are capable of...
Now, with that said, you also have to have more of your own individuality or else your 100% really is his.
I've been at this place with hubby. It was a big strain. It wasn't until I started meeting new friends (started as internet friends too!) that it sorta became a non-issue.
Good luck! <3