A selfish lifestyle

Some days I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. The end of this week marks the end of the first trimester. All I can think of is how much longer I have to go. All the books and websites say it should get better in the second trimester. That my libido will come back, that I'll stop being nauseous, that I'll regain some energy.

When? WHEN?

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Continuing the previous blog, although my father claims to be okay with the fact that I won't be getting married, he would like us to have a big, fat, fake wedding.
He wants some sort of ceremony, (he suggested a Hindu one), to please the elders and the religious fanatics in the family. He says it doesn't have to be a legal marriage, just a religious one.

Ridiculous.

Considering the fact that I'm an atheist, and my boyfriend is not Indian, going through the motions all the while rolling my eyes is just not going to happen. I told my father that he could just give me the money he would have spent on this charade.

I won't get married just to please other people. If it happens, it will be on our terms.

I don't understand how people can go through their whole lives just trying to please others. I'm just too selfish to live this way. This may be a negative trait, but I can't imagine the kind of person I'd be if I didn't carve out my own path.

A coworker friend mentioned that perhaps I should have never left the firm. Then I'd have health insurance and paid maternity leave and a job to come back to. Yes, this is true. I perhaps might have still met my boyfriend, as the circumstances surrounding our meeting were not extraordinary. I'd have job security.

But I would have never stepped out of my comfort zone. I would have never wondered a strange and foreign country. I would have never experienced the kind of freedom that comes from living life on your own terms.

I am ready for the life ahead. I am ready for motherhood, ready for a steady relationship with the father of my child(ren). And I can look ahead without any regrets, without any desire to do things differently.